A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it.
~ George Moore

I made a last minute decision in late November, to travel to South Africa for the holiday season. I had a month off between my first and second semesters at Georgetown University, and was eager to spend this time off doing something productive.

So, I booked a ticket.

Among other things, I spent 2009 looking for full-time employment, a task that is as draining on ones emotions, as it is on ones bank balance.  I was in need of a break.  Over the fourteen months of job searching I had questioned most, if not all, my dreams, life goals, passions and aptitudes.  It was a fruitful process, but it increased my desire to find and hold onto the core aspects of my identity and heritage.

I was born in Cape Town to parents who had grown up in the same beach-side community.  Since I was a child, I have always felt South African.  However the longer I have been in DC the less I have felt connected to this heritage.  This may be because I no longer have daily contact with my South African family and friends, but whatever the reason, feeling less connected to this part of my identity is worrying.  I needed to go home and spend time with my family and see my childhood home again.

It had been approximately fifteen years since I spent the holidays with my family in the Western Cape.  I remember fondly that Christmas on the farm.  My cousins and I swam and played on the foofy slide until we were covered in dirt and grass stains. We painted go-carts and wore matching lime-green Snoopy outfits my grandmother had sewn for us to wear in our race against the cousins living next door.  I remember the creaky iron gate and the long dirt road that lead up to the property.

This year, I returned to George, but not to the farm.  It was sold after my aunt and uncle got a divorce over ten years ago.  There were no go-cart races and no matching outfits. There wasn’t hours of careless play in the yard.  All but two of the cousins have grown up and moved out of their parents homes and are living in different parts of the country.

However, on Christmas day, the cars rolled up and the laughter began.  MJ and his girlfriend Kerry-Lee brought cases of champagne and began managing the last details of the kitchen.  The cousins who we used to race on the farm joined us for drinks on the veranda and the youngest cousins played with their new toys. Guy and his new wife Lollie pitched up just in time for Guy to carve the lamb and all twenty-two of us sat down for a meal…

My time in South Africa was not flashy or full of tourist destinations, but it was just what I needed.  Most of my family members have faced their own challenges this past year.  From divorce to cancer and everything in-between, the hard realities of life were as evident as the strength that has always manifested itself in the women of our family.  I was exhorted and encourage by the honesty and tenacity displayed over cups of tea and glasses of cheap wine.

Family is never perfect, but it is the space where we learn about ourselves and, on a good day, are given the grace we need to get through tomorrow.