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…I was tempted to just get on the train this morning and head off into the mist, but the romantic idea is never that romantic in reality. You know exactly where I would be going, where I lay my head, where I escape for caffeine and where I hide to dream. I could play a beautiful final scene where the car rolls over the hill, dust kicking up into the orange of the setting sun and the soundtrack indicates a sense of finality where life just keeps going in some purposeful rhythm without the destructive pain of loss.
But life is never like the movies. It is much easier to package a good heart-felt lesson and resolution into 90 minutes. The hardest part of life is the day after the movie ends; When the sun comes back up, and the car is gone from the driveway and the lover is nowhere in sight. And the day after that day. That’s real life. It’s the hours that stretch from 90 minutes into moment after moment where you must live with the decisions you make- day in and day out…
-2008
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Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].
Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.
With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.
Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.
This has been my life; I found it worth living.
~ Bertrand Russell (adapted)